you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
