You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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