i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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