Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
