omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
