You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
