fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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