You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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