I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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