john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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