My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
