So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
