just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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