I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize