i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
