I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
