You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
