I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
