my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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