I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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