she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
