Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize