mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
