and next time when you feel me up, do it right
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
