You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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