While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
