Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
