I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
