The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
