I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
