i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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