It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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