I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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