New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
