He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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