thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
