You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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