Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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