I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
