I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
