Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize