I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize