i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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