i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
