Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
