we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
