a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize