I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
