I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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