I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
