you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
