i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
