I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
