he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
