I wanna passion pit in your ass
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
