He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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