just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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