I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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