3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
