how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
