don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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