then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
