i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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