i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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