his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
