By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
