i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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