i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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