Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dick very happy bro
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
