Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
