Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
