this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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