there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
