I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up under a house in Key West
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