i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
